4 Steps to Finding Greater Happiness and Fulfillment

These days we seem to be inundated by messages encouraging us to be happy.

You can find positive inspiration just about anywhere, especially if you are looking. Music. TV. Social media. We are bombarded with information, aimed to inspire and hopefully provoke us toward a new attitude or frame of reference.

But, does that actually make a difference?

Honestly, I am not sure.

The only point of reference I have, is my own experience. I’ve noticed the more I expose myself to positivity the better I feel. Good stuff seems to net better results.

Of course, I don’t mean to oversimplify this, but I do believe there are some important steps to living a consistently happier life.

In fairness, I have always been a glass half full kind of guy. I wholeheartedly believe we get more of what we focus on. I usually have practical words to share from a positive place.

Yet, the flip side is a murky internal dialogue. You know those negative thoughts that creep in to affirm the worst things we believe in ourself.

Not good enough…

Not worthy…

Not smart enough…

Not lovable..

Take your pick. Each message is a form of self-sabotage that rains on the parade of ‘happy.’

Every fiber of my being aims to overcome that inside voice and fully embrace my version of an authentic and ‘happy’ life.

I had no clue about the best place to start, but I knew I needed to take action.

As I’ve matured, I choose to embrace simplicity, especially when something is hard.

We screw ourselves by trying to get too far ahead, when usually the only thing that requires our focus is the next step. 

In the case of happiness, the next step wasn’t immediately clear. So, I did the next best thing I could think of.

1. Encourage Others. (Act as if…)

I was still stuck on the best way to do that. But I forged ahead with solid action. As an experiment, I devoted my social media accounts to sharing good stuff. Each day and inspirational memes or quote. You know the ones…

Truthfully, I didn’t care if people liked them or not, but I was clear that my part was to share more good stuff.

My own place in the virtual universe where one could stop by for a little soul food.

Who can’t use more of that, right?

We all want to feel encouraged and valuable. Imagine giving that to someone else, even if you can’t yet give it to yourself?

That is some good stuff!

Guess what? People responded favorably. I can’t tell you the number of times someone has messaged me to say what an inspiration my daily reminders of goodness are to them.

You never know how you show up might help another who is struggling. Try it.

These daily actions continue to fill my cup and inspire me to keep taking the next right step. In time, I decided to give more back to myself.

2. Choose happiness through self-kindness.

What stops most of us in our journey forward is the tapes from our history. You know those experiences that shaped and framed the way we imagined our life ‘should be.’

Man, those tapes have the power to rob us of so much good.

Happiness is a choice.

It isn’t something that anyone else has the power to choose for you. Of course, life happens and it shapes our experience, but the real truth is that our own happiness is something we can choose, in any moment.

It is an inside job.

Yes, even in a bad situation, you can choose happy.

I realize this is a really practical way of looking at life and that the real world can often get in the way, but don’t overthink it. Choose happy.

Keep it simple.

The next right step is in our power of thought. In any given moment, each of us can choose how we see a situation. Good or bad.

Right now you are likely saying you’ve tried this and cannot stick with it.

I get it. This isn’t necessarily easy, especially when we have years of negative programming. For me, the key that unlocked a deeper connection to myself was gratitude.

When I get stuck in a loop, I stop myself and mentally go through a short list of things I have to be grateful for. Just 3-5 things that deserve my attention and sincere gratitude.

We all have things to be grateful for, in any moment.  Try it out. 

YOU, TOO, CAN CHOOSE HAPPY!!

3. Let go of the things that weigh you down.

 

Once I started to give myself some kindness, I was ready to tackle some of those old tapes that haunted me by carefully choosing the painful moments I was willing to approach.

I spent years stuck in a place where I didn’t believe I deserved more. Thinking my gifts weren’t valuable or necessary to getting a life I loved.

I WAS SO WRONG!

Taking the first two steps of giving myself to others and focusing on gratitude helped me realize that I was the only person missing in the equation. I’d literally given years to everyone but me.

Those two steps we integral in building a foundation. I had first hand experience and feedback that showed me people responded well to my efforts.

So, why wasn’t I giving back to myself?

Not to get too deep, but it boiled down to one word…UNWORTHY.

Inside, I didn’t fully believe I deserved what I was giving to others, which is really complete nonsense.  Although, I have learned practicality rarely has a place in how we feel.

Everyone is WORTHY of happiness. 

I cannot say why it took me so long to get to this place. It just did. In reflection, it was all all meant to be…the pain, struggle, heartache, challenges. All of it served it’s purpose to bring me to this unique intersection.

Right Here. Right Now.

I encourage you to take each of the things that weigh you down, one step at a time.

• Observe them.
• Acknowledge their place in your history.
• Choose to release the power you’ve given them.
• Say thank you for the lessons.
• And move the hell on.

Every painful story we carry served a beautiful purpose in bringing you to this unique and wonderful place.

If you hadn’t been there, you would be here.

Honor that.

Like an old photo album, look back and think about the memories associated with each picture. The process will allow you to sift and sort…making a choice about the energy you give to painful memories in your current life.

Ironically, in doing so, I realized many of those experiences no longer really held power over me. I hope you discover the same.

It is a beautiful release to let something old go.

This exercise has been a sustainable key to a more fulfilling life.

I will admit, it’s hard work and some of it has been done with a therapist.

It takes a village.

Now, when things come up, I can acknowledge them, lovingly reflect on them, and decide if it’s worth giving power and energy to. If not, I can work to let it go.

First and foremost…ALWAYS BE KIND TO YOURSELF!

4. Do more of what makes you feel alive.

By making a commitment to a daily practice, I finally realized that I, too, deserved something better.

That deeper understanding was only part of the issue…

The real journey began when I started taking action. Choosing to show up in new and different way.

With fear and hesitation, I chose to dip my toe in the water. Trying new things, meeting new people, going unfamiliar places. In time, it got easier. Of course, I am always briefly deterred by some irrational anxiety, but pushing through is where the good stuff can be found.

Today, I am grateful to have work that I love and brings me great joy. Friendships that fill my cup. Hobbies that are a passion. A full life indeed. A life I used to only dream of.

I certainly have work left to do, but can forge ahead knowing that the things that scare me usually have the most magical outcome.

My unsolicited advice. Do it scared. Take a leap. You never know what magic awaits you.

I wish each of you great success and joy in 2019- A year of finding the happiness you seek!